MSI: Episode 1 Pt. 3: Introduction First Immunity Challenge

IMMUNITY CHALLENGE

Three mats lay out on the sand, each with the color corresponding to each tribe. A few yards away a triangle drawn in the sand with dark paint. Silver rope shaped in a triangle overlapped the sand triangle. Each of the triangle’s corners had rope attached with nine harnesses connected.

Every tribe teleported in on their mat. Squirrel Girl appeared on her own mat directly across from the three tribes.

            “Welcome—” Squirrel Girl paused and stared into space.

            All the tribes did the exact same thing. No one moved. No one looked elsewhere. Except for Jean Grey. Her eyes closed transmitting the plan. Seconds past. It only seemed like Squirrel Girl had a hiccup in her speech more than a telepathic link.

            “—to the first Immunity Challenge.” She grinned, found Jean Grey and winked. “It’s going to be a blast.”

            “I’ll show you a blast.” Deadpool pulled out his gun and pointed it at her.

            “Wait.” Wiccan held up his hand. “What exactly happens to us when we’re voted off?”

            “Oh, Deadpool wants to go squirrel hunting?” She wagged her tail and then smiled Wiccan as if a showcase girl for a game show. “You’re put into a holding cell with a fantastic entertainment center.”

            Deadpool continued holding the gun pointing at Squirrel Girl. “Tell me when? I want to watch my bullets make a squirrel pelt. I’m sure I could get a pretty penny for her hide from some Chinese fool in New York.”

            “That sounds boring,” Thing grumbled.

            Squirrel Girl shrugged. “Mojo could care less what happened to the losers. I urged he should care and got you all more.”

            Emma Frost shot forth her hand and like an orchestra of powers, the rest of the heroes called forth their powers. Jean Grey, Psylocke and Emma Frost closed their eyes and amplified their teams the best their minds could handle. Cyclops, Iceman, Human Torch, Storm, Wiccan, Scarlet Witch, Thor Gambit, Black Widow, Deadpool, Iron Man, Spider-Man and Captain America gave their all in shooting their range powers. The colors bright and electric. They focused their abilities on Squirrel Girl for a few seconds and stopped.

            The smoke lifted and Squirrel Girl stood with one hand on her hip and the other holding an object. She grinned from ear to ear. “Universe remote.”

            Jamie Madrox laughed. “Don’t you mean universal remote?”

            She shook her head. “Universe.”

            Mr. Fantastic’s eyebrows lifted. “Interesting. I’ve heard of this device. A Watcher made mention of it one time.” One of his hands stroked his chin. “How were you able to acquire it?”

            Human Torch snapped his finger to ignite his thumb. He blew it out and then snapped his finger again to recall the flame. “She beat Dr. Doom by herself. She beat Thanos by herself. She beat…” he turned to look at Deadpool and laughed. “…him by herself. She could probably—”

           

            “No, Matchstick Prick, I called in a favor.” Squirrel Girl wagged her tail.

            Beast squat on the ground. “What being owes you a favor?”

            She folded her arms. “All, eventually.”

            “I’m outta here.” Deadpool teleported. He reappeared right where he left. He growled and teleported, again. And again he appeared in the same spot. He glared Nightcrawler.

            Nightcrawler shrugged. He teleported. Appeared right where he was as well.

            They both scowled at Squirrel Girl. She held up the remote, shook it and said, “No telly porty.”

            Psylocke closed her eyes to call upon a second wave of attack. It commenced. Squirrel Girl sighed, pressed a button, shielded herself and then she pressed a pink button. All the heroes froze.

            “I really hate doing that.” She gestured toward them all. “But you silly heroes leave me no choice.” She stroked the remote. “I could do so much worse, but the AX babies need you.”

            “AX?” Psylocke asked.

            “A and X. AX for short.” Squirrel Girl lifted the remote. “Promise to be good little heroes?” She shook her head. “First, before I release you from this frozen state of mind, I must inform you that each of you were injected with a chemical that reacts to the environment you’re in making you forget most of your recent past as well as what has occurred to bring you here. You’ll only be able to recall that you are playing a game and need to win. Once you are off the game, your memory will be given back to you, unless, of course, you win a spot on the jury.”

            “Jury?” Iceman asked.

            “Yes, the people that’ll pick the winner of the game.” She flipped the remote in the air and caught it.

            “What is it that we’ll win?” Invisible Woman asked.

            “Good question woman that could probably turn this entire dome invisible and see where we are floating.” Squirrel Girl waited before continuing.

            Captain America turned to Invisible Woman. “Didn’t you try that already?”

            “I fear if I try, it’ll only weaken our resolve to leave.” Invisible Woman held her right upper arm with her left hand, unable to decide what to actually do. “I can’t do what she wants me to. I’m too weak. I can try to do a partial. It might make me useless in this challenge.”

            Captain America put his hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay, Sue. We’ll figure it out later.” They both return their attention to Squirrel Girl, as did the rest of the heroes.

            “Smarty, smart the both of you. I guess that’s why you’re over there and I’m over here.” Squirrel Girl walked over to the triangle. “There’s a triangle marked in the sand and here’s a triangle shaped vibranium-adamantium hybrid of rope. It’s unbreakable and unvibrateable.”

            “Not a word,” Deadpool mumbled.

            “I heard that, ugly.” Squirrel Girl winked at him.

            Deadpool stared at a camera in the lens. “More like she heard I mumbled something.”

            “Same difference.” Squirrel Girl shrugged.

            He shook his head. “Not really.”

            She held up the remote. “Dare me. I’ll send you somewhere no one knows exists and I certainly don’t think you can survive the edge of the universe.” She aimed it at him and pressed a button.

            Deadpool flinched. “Words cannot hurt you, she who uses squirrels to do her dirty work.”

            “You flinched. I just released the frozen hold on all of you.” Squirrel Girl snapped her fingers and three squirrels bounced in the sand and stopped right in front of Deadpool. All three made the I’m watching you gesture with their index and middle fingers. They squeaked their disapproval.

            Deadpool flinched again.

            “I did not.”

            Squirrel nodded.

            “I hate you.” He pointed at her. “And you.” He pointed at the camera. “NO. I’m pointing at YOU.” He pointed at the camera again. “Ugh…”

            “Just make squirrelpool babies already.” Wolverine spit on the sand.

            Squirrel Girl made a disgusted face. “More like repulsive face.” That too. She ushered everyone to move over toward the triangle. “You each will strap yourself into a harness and prepare to play a good old game of tug-of-war. It does matter where you position yourself. The first tribe that has one person that goes one foot over the line, loses. And the tribe that pulls them to lose is the winner.”

            “How can you tell?” Cyclops asked.

            “The tribe that’s pulling and isn’t struggling to stay away from the line is the one that is actually doing the work,” Squirrel Girl said.

            “We need more than rice. I can’t think well right now.” Cyclops held his head.

            “First tribe pull another tribe over the line, wins this.” She held up piece of rope that held two huge walnuts dipped in gold. “Tribal Immunity!”

            “That looks like two large nuts,” Deadpool said.

            “Walnuts,” Squirrel Girl corrected. She moved her hand up and down and the walnuts bounced off one another with a crack. “And they make little sparks.” She grinned pointing at the sparks with her other hand. “You know you wanna play with these.”

            “That’s just—”

            Thor put his hand over Deadpool’s mouth. “Don’t urge her to speak more.” He smiled toward Squirrel Girl. “Please continue m’lady.”

            She bowed. “And do you want to know what you win?”

            No one really cheered or said yes. They stared at her like hungry children.

            “You win the chance to get more food on the island as well as hunting gear to help you track and gather.”

             “I don’t need the gear.” Wolverine tapped his nose. “To help track or,” he released his claws, “hunt.”

            “No, but you need something to hunt. The winner either decides to share all the animals, or keep them for themselves. No matter what they decide, the gear is theirs to keep.” Squirrel Girl picked something off the remote. “I’ll give you a few moments to strategize.”

            Squirrel Girl stepped back to her mat area. The cameras floated around the tribes filming their planning.

            Human Torch tossed his hand up, and a fireball appeared. He juggled it. “Hey, tail lady, we can use our powers? Telling us we can’t is totally ruining our awesomeness.”

            Squirrel Girl clapped her hands. “Yes. Your awesomeness isn’t soiled. In all challenges you may use your powers. Except, not to harm another player enough to cause bleeding. Bruising, okay. No broken skin.” She gestured slicing hers. “Example, Jean Grey,” Squirrel Girl slightly bowed, “couldn’t pull people off the rope and throw them across the beach. You can keep a tribe from pulling or advancing, but you can’t remove their team from the rope. In any challenge you may make it difficult for a tribe to win, you cannot force them from the play of the challenge.” She caught each hero’s eyes. “Including you, Deadpool. No teleporting people away. Understood?”

            Deadpool laughed. “A lot. I’m laughing a lot.” He pointed a gun at Squirrel Girl. “You think you can stop me—”

            Thor thwacked Deadpool with Mjolnir. “Will thy just shut up?”

            Deadpool fell to the ground, his head bleeding.

            “We cannot alter our situation. We will have to play it out. Stop upping the difficulty.” Thor returned to discussing the plan with his tribe.

            Squirrel Girl laughed and then clamed up. “Right. Five more minutes.”

            Tribe Tippy-Toe strapped into their harnesses. In order from gatekeeper (the person who had to keep the tribe from crossing the line) to bringing up the rear (the person who was where the rope ended) the line-up was as follows: Thing, Beast, Captain America, Wolverine, Wiccan, Invisible Woman, Nightcrawler, Storm and Jean Grey.

            Tribe Monkey Joe strapped on their harnesses in the following order: Thor, Human Torch, Vision, Deadpool (who was still rubbing his head) – “Cause it hurts.” –, Gambit, Domino, Jamie Madrox, Black Widow and Emma Frost.

            Tribe Slippy Pete put on their harnesses in the following order: Rogue, Iron Man, Spider-Man, Cyclops, Iceman, Mr. Fantastic, Kitty Pryde, Psylocke and Scarlet Witch.

            Squirrel Girl hopped up on top of a floating silver disc where Forge appeared. “He’s here to see how well his creation goes.”

            “Looks like it’s going to be awesome.” Forge rubbed his hands together.

            “Be silent. Don’t make me send you back.” Squirrel Girl peered down on the heroes. “On your mark.”

            All the heroes grabbed hold of the vibranium-adamantium rope.

            “Get set.”

            The first three on each tribe tensed up ready for anything the other two tribes were going to pull.

            “Go.”

            The Gatekeepers on each tribe started off about five feet from the line that if they crossed, they’d lose.

            Thor of tribe Monkey Joe yanked as hard as godly possible, almost elbowing Human Torch in the face.

            Human Torch dodged  “Don’t knock out our plan B.”

            “I apologize, Johnny, but we cannot lose.” Thor yanked on the rope again.

            Thing and Beast of tribe Tippy-Toe feet dug into the sand, trying to keep from slipping over the loser line.

            “Any time, Susie.” Thing shouted.

            “I got it.” Invisible Woman closed her eyes and reached out with her right hand. Invisible poles projected right in front of Thing. “It’s there.”

            Thing slid toward the line and the poles stopped him. He placed one foot on either and braced himself. “We’re not going anywhere Goldilocks.”

            Beast turned around and allowed his back to press up against Thing’s back, bracing Thing from budging. “I have your back.”

            Jean Grey opened up Thing’s mind, giving him more access to his strength.

            Neither Jean Grey or Invisible Woman were helping in holding the rope. They needed all their concentration on their task. Thor would pull and they would move, but not enough to jolt their focus.

            “Wiccan, what do you have for us, son?” Captain America boots dug up the sand. He looked funny in shorts with those boots.

            “I’m trying to think of something,” Wiccan said through gritted teeth.

            “Better think quicker, bub, we’re about to be dragged into being losers,” Wolverine said.

            “Storm?” Captain America shouted.

            Wind picked up around Thor and his team. It didn’t keep Thor from pulling the other two teams closer and closer to the edge.

            “Are you okay Invisible Woman?” Beast could clearly see her from his position.

            Her face strained. Her eyebrows furrowed so deep that he couldn’t tell if she had eyes anymore. “I can only do so much. Make a move.”

            “Wiccan, we need you.” Captain America’s biceps flexed.

            Wiccan’s heart beat faster and faster. He couldn’t think.

            “Is it just me or is the rope hot?” Beast asked. It felt like it was on fire.

            Rogue of Tribe Slippy Pete was sliding toward the line. “Hope y’all have a better plan than this.

            Cyclops blasted a hole before Rogue’s feet. “Brace yourself.”

            She slid right into the hole and pushed her feet against the wall of sand. “This ain’t gonna hold for long.”

            Iron Man put on his thrusters and blasted them enough to pull to help the tribe regain their position.

            Spider-Man webbed everyone’s feet he could, to help them gain some sort of traction.

            “I detect a rise in the rope’s temperature,” Iron Man said.

            “I can feel it. This isn’t good. Hot potato isn’t the name of the game.” Spider-Man glanced over at the Human Torch. “Unless you’re the human flame.” He paused a second. “Oh, you know, this is the first time I’ve ever wanted to be retardant.”

            “Iceman.” Cyclops commanded.

            “On it.”  He focused on the section of rope before Rogue and flash freezed it to cool down the heat. It worked.

            “Scarlet Witch, we need something fantastic,” Mr. Fantastic said. He had stretched himself into a parachute of sorts to catch the wind Storm had created to give his tribe a bit of help in slowing down Thor’s incredible strength. “It’s only a matter of time before our resistance tires out.”

            “Psylocke,” Cyclops said.

            She read his mind. “I’ll try.”

            Kitty Pryde, Psylocke and Scarlet Witch were not pulling. Their strength wouldn’t help. They were the brains and the alternate thinking of this outfit. Kitty Pryde kept an eye out on the other tribes and what they were doing. Psylocke helped everyone keep focus and battling Jean Grey or Emma Frost from infiltrating anyone’s mind. Not easy. She wasn’t as powerful as Jean, but with Emma Frost in the battle, it helped keep Jean from focusing only on her.

            Scarlet Witch raised her hands and set out a few hex bolts. One hit right around Thing and the other hit Deadpool. No bleeding happened.

            Jamie Madrox on tribe Monkey Joe had multiplied several times, but no amount of multiples would actually help Thor do any better, so he absorbed the dups. Black Widow anchored herself the best she could, but knew that wouldn’t help if Thor lost. Domino tried to wield her luck to their advantage, but nothing came about. Emma Frost concentrated on keeping Jean Grey and Psylocke away. Gambit could charge the rope and have it explode, throwing all back from the rope in hopes that someone from his tribe would give a good pull to win the game, but he might disqualify them due to someone weak bleeding like that Wiccan kid.

            “I calculate our winning at 95%.” Vision pulled as hard as Thor, but showed no strain in his facial features. “Except percentages do not matter with the Scarlet Witch.” He eyed a hex bolt heading their way. “We better pull as hard as we can.”

            Thor pulled harder and took a few steps backward. Tribe Slippy Pete slipped closer to the edge, but Tippy-Toe remained in the same position. Invisible Woman’s eyes were still closed, concentrating on keeping the invisible poles up. She shook her gritted teeth.

            And that was only the first five minutes.

            “It’s working out better than I could have imagined,” Forge said.

            Squirrel Girl maneuvered the silver disc around the tribes to get a good look at who was where. “It looks like Tribe Monkey Joe has it in the—” She saw the hex bolts hit targets. “Spoke too soon.”

            The floating cameras moved around the tribes capturing every angle. The dinging of viewership could be heard by only Squirrel Girl. She nodded and grin with each rise in popularity. The allowing of powers during challenges made for an exciting battle. She told Mojo that. He was afraid that they might turn on the cameras and cause too much damage to the studio. She convinced him that she could handle her friends. All except Deadpool. He’s a little less easily controlled.

           

            The hex bolt hit Deadpool in the feet. He slipped in the sand falling on his butt. He kicked his legs and tripped Vision. Leaving Thor to handle the pulling of Thing, Beast, Rogue, Iron Man and Spider-Man. Which he could handle just fine if it weren’t for what happened next. Vision fell forward and tried to balance himself by holding onto Human Torch’s shoulders. He phased the both of them. Human Torch phased through his harness. Vision remained phased. Human Torch solidified, hit the ground and ignited like a grenade. He turned the surrounding sand into glass.

            Deadpool pulled Gambit, Domino and Jamie Madrox down. Jamie Madrox’s dups ran around trying to help the tribe back to standing.

            “Who threw the banana peel down?” Deadpool shouted. “Help, I’ve fallen and I’m hungry. Feed me Seymour. Feed me.” He kicked his legs as if he was a crying baby. “I’m turning red under the mask. I promise. The color of shame. Deadpool down. A great title for a yoga pose. Squirrel Girl would do that pose all day long.”

            “If I weren’t the host, I’d beat you into a pulp.” She punched her fist into her palm. “And I hate pulp. I like straight juice.”

            Thor maintained a good hold on the rope and gained major ground pulling the tribe Slippy Pete within a foot from the line. He still couldn’t get Thing to budge. Invisible Woman’s poles were holding up despite her almost sweating blood.

            “I have a headache. I have to stop.” Invisible Woman dropped the invisible poles.

            Psylocke grinned. “Did it, Scott.”

            Thing dropped to the sand and couldn’t regain his footing. Thor dragged them to the line. Four feet. Three feet. Two feet.

            “Jean!” Wolvierne shouted.

            Jean Grey turned into the Phoenix. Embodied in the flames shaped as the bird, she rose. She broke free of the harness and reached out for the rope with her telekinetic powers. With the rest of her energy she pulled as hard as her strength would allow. Thor slid across the sand, shocked anyone could out do him.

The flames of the Phoenix petered and Jean hit the ground, passed out. Having nothing but rice to eat left her weak. She gave her team a few feet from Thor, but that was it.

            Thor laughed.  “You cannot beat the mighty—” He slipped on the glass and fell forward. His arms held on tight and his face plowed through the sand like a bulldozer being pulled to be the loser of the immunity challenge.

            Thor’s fingers crossed the line. Tribe Tippy-Toe jumped for joy. Wolverine’s claws sliced through the connection freeing him and his harness from the rope. He ran to check on Jean. Storm high-fived Nightcrawler. Thing massaged his biceps.

            Wiccan scratched his head. “That’s it?”

            Black Widow shook her head. “What are they doing? The game is still—”

            “NOW!” Cyclops commanded.

            Tribe Slippy Pete yanked on the rope one final time. Thing flew across the line falling into the sand face first. He pushed himself up and spit to clear his mouth.

            “And tribe Slippy Pete wins!” Squirrel Girl shouted. “Well done.” She lowered the silver disc.

            Forge clapped his hands. “That worked out way better than I could imagine.”

            Squirrel Girl groaned. “You talk too much. Go and work on the next challenge.” She hit a button on her remote. Forge was ported away.

            She hopped off the sliver disc and handed Mr. Fantastic tribal immunity. “Congratulations. Now, what is your choice?”

            “My, what big nuts you have, Mr. Fantastic,” Deadpool chanted.

            “The better to impress your mom with,” Spider-Man sang back.

            “Mr. Parker, that’s just so nasty.” Deadpool covered his already covered mouth with his hands.

            “Wade, I got your nasty right here.” He webbed Deadpool in the face.

            “Children do not try this at home.” Deadpool pulled off the webbing. He stared at it in his hand. “I’m almost hungry enough.”

            “Stop flirting.” Squirrel Girl positioned her hands in the air like stop signs for crazy. “We are not playing the dating game.”

            “He’s so my type, masked and witty.” Deadpool playfully put his index finger near his mouth. Or where one would assume his mouth would be. “Oh, I know it’s there.”

            Squirrel Girl snapped her fingers and five squirrels bounded out of nowhere. Deadpool jumped and hid behind Thor. Thor sidestepped allowing the squirrels to glare at Deadpool.

            Mr. Fantastic turned to his tribe and they discussed it for a few seconds. “We will allow all tribes to partake in the animals.”

            Squirrel Girl nodded. “How polite of you Mister Fantastic. Tomorrow all will be blessed with animals. We never said what kind.” She faced tribe Monkey Joe. “I’ll see you at tribal council tonight. You have a few hours to figure who’s going to get the boot.” She held up the Universe Remote. Her thumb hovered over a button. “Losers be gone!” She pressed. Monkey Joe teleported back to their beach.

            Rogue picked up the bag of hunting gear from Squirrel Girl. “Thanks honey. Do you have to groom that?” She pointed at the tail.

            Squirrel Girl’s tail moved into her grasp. “I preen.” She picked at it.

            “That sounds disgusting.”

            Squirrel shrugged. “I’m part animal. It doesn’t bother me.”

            “Stop flirting.” Deadpool’s voice boomed.

            Squirrel Girl turned as if being spun by a professional dancer. “My squirrels are everywhere.”

            Deadpool laughed. “I’ll kill and eat each one you send. I like squirrel. Not a lot of meat, but that doesn’t bother my swords. They’ll slice—”

            “Squirrel Girl we humbly apologize for the nuisance that is Deadpool. Mjolnir won’t be enough to keep him down.”

            “Thank you godling. You’re a sweetheart.” She turned back to Rogue. “You want to shampoo my tail?”

            Rogue made a face as if she smelled garbage juice. “I’ll pass.” She lifted the bag and walked back to her tribe.

            Squirrel Girl shifted her weight onto one foot, pushing out her hip to one side. Her tail whipped back behind her, wiggling. “You are safe. Until next immunity. Toodles.” She pressed a button and Tribe Slippy Pete and Tribe Tippy-Toe teleported back. 

MSI: Episode 1 Pt. 2: Introduction Tribes

MONKEY JOE - RED

Domino, Vision, Emma Frost, Jamie Madrox, Human Torch, Jamie Madrox, Thor, Jamie Madrox, Gambit, Black Widow, Deadpool and Jamie Madrox all appeared on a different beach. Their own part of the island.

            “Sorry. Rough teleporting.” Jamie Madrox clinched his fist and he absorbed his dups. One even dug his fingers in the sand not wanting to go. “Well isn’t this a tad on the crazy side? I was having a nice cup of Joe—”

            “Pun intended.” Deadpool snickered.

            “What?” Thor looked at Deadpool.

            Deadpool pointed to the red flag that waved near where they teleported. “That little rodent girl called us team Monkey Joe. It so isn’t a coincidence that Jaime was drinking coffee.”

            Black Widow waved the square in the air. “Important information, I assume.” She placed the square on the sand and pressed a button. A holographic image of Squirrel Girl appeared.

            “Hello, lovelies.” She winked and giggled. “The world is in danger and you are the only ones that can save it. Imagine that.” She jumped up and down.

“Mojo has babynapped the A-babies and the X-babies, strapped them in little cute bombs and is going to have them teleported to Earth and blown up.” She dropped her smile. “Key areas. In order to save them the game must maintain great ratings. Save the A and X-babies, have fun, be sent home and that’s that.” She dusted her hands. “Easy.

“You were given supplies and you may use your powers to make yourself comfortable. Don’t use your powers to damage anyone, maim, kill, ruin the beautiful face of anyone. Powers will be used in the challenges under the same guidelines.”

She cleared her throat. “Oh, and each team has their own telepath. They are useful in blocking the other from reading your team. They cannot dig around in your mind. That’s rule breaking and punishable by being sent to Mojo’s bedroom.” Her face enlarged. “Not joking. He’s deadly serious about that.

“And if you have seen, I haven’t, his bedroom, you know it’s disgusting and smells like wet back hair saved from Wolverine. Very gross. Huh Wolvie?” As if she could see who she was talking to she glanced at each one and continued, “Escaping isn’t possible and therefore Mojo doesn’t care if you try. It does make, for now, good TV.” Her index finger shot into the air. “Winner of this game will receive bragging rights and something that’ll make all this worth it. Have fun.” She grinned and disappeared.

            “Well that sucks.” Human Torch kicked a clump of sand. “Now what?”

            “I go squirrel hunting.” Deadpool pulled out one of his guns. “What kind of game doesn’t have a prize worth fighting for?”

            “You like to brag.” Human Torch folded his arms.

            Deadpool nodded. “That’s like the sun calling a campfire hot.”

            Gambit took in the surroundings. He walked over to a chest and kicked it. “What do we have here?”

           

            GAMBIT (Wearing only red swimming trunks and gloves and sitting on a rock near waves.): As part of the Thieves Guild we never overlooked a treasure chest. Always something interestin’ inside. (He paused) That isn’t something only thieves know. The brightest aren’t on my tribe. Including Deadpool. (He glimpsed over his shoulder) Had to make sure. He’s a killer. My charm doesn’t  work on that one.

            “A chest.” Deadpool folded his arms. “This is getting boring real fast.” He spotted a camera. “Oh, I need a close up.” He shoved his face into the camera. “Hello Mojoverse.” The camera pulled out of his hands and zoomed away. “My mask is on. There’s no way I could have scared you away that easily.”

            “I got starting a fire down.” Human Torch snapped his fingers. “And Thor can keep it from raining on us.” He wink-pointed at Thor. “I’ve caught a few Survivor episodes. At least I think I did. I don’t have a lot of down time. Or maybe I’m not a loser who stays home and watches TV.” He laughed at his own joke.

            “Not a good one.” Deadpool mumbled. “Amateur.”

            DEADPOOL (Wearing red shorts, t-shirt and his mask and sitting in the sand building a sand castle.): This is very relaxing. (He patted sand) Confessional? I do that already. What do you want me to say? How stupid everyone is? (He dug up more sand.) Have you ever made a sand-angel? Neither have I. Sand in your crotch area isn’t at all pleasant. Trust me. Thor knows.

            Emma Frost wrinkled her nose. “Use the restroom in the trees?”

            “Right.” Deadpool got on one knee holding up a gift. “Sorry my liege.”

            She took a step back. “What’s that?”

            Deadpool kept staring at the ground. “It’s a crown.” Made of leaves, twigs and his own snot for a personal touch. “Very personal.”

            Emma Frost scoffed.

            “Wear it so when you sit on your throne you can have a royal flush.” He snickered.

            “You think you’re a comedian of sorts?” Her skin turned into diamond.

            “You can’t hear those snickers.” He lifted his head and cupped one of his ears.

            Emma Frost punched him in the mouth five consecutive times. Each punch sounded like a rock hitting marshmallows. “I can’t hear that over you turning hick.” Two of his teeth fly out of his mouth, along with a few squirts of blood.

            He covered his mouth. “You better be glad you’re a lady.”

            “Is that why you lost against Squirrel Girl?” Emma Frost put her hand on her hip.

            “No.” He spit another tooth out.

            She waited, turned and gestured toward everyone. “We’re all waiting.”

            “Because she’s a squirrel. They’re mean, nasty little animals.” He glanced at the trees with a bit of fear.

            Black Widow moved toward Vision. “Any way out of here?”

            Vision stood without speaking. He shook his head. “Mojo is not an idiot. If it was indeed his plan to host a Survivor game with the super-powered, he’d secure the arena.” He shot up into the air, straight for the clouds. He reached a barrier. It didn’t shock him, knock him back down to the ground or kill him. He just couldn’t do anything. He punched, lasered, and tried to phase, but was pushed back into the island’s atmosphere. He punched again. Not a dent. He came back down. “Secure. For now. From in here.”

            VISION (He hovered above ground with his arms folded.): It’s a good thing I’m water proof.

            Emma Frost dropped her hands from her waist. “So later we’ll be able to leave?”

            Vision released a robotic snicker. “It is a slim chance that we might be able to. No fence is without a weakness. As of right now, we are not able to leave. Might as well give the viewing public a show. Just in case Squirrel Girl isn’t being forced to lie.”

            “Good thing we have me,” Domino said. “I’m pretty lucky.”

            “And stuck on herself.” Deadpool finger-spun one of his guns.

            “I heard that.” She walked to Gambit.

            “Right, no thought bubbles,” Deadpool said. Though he doesn’t need them. “I don’t?” Nope. “Then how…” Oh, this is how? Indeed.

            Gambit had popped open the chest and was rummaging through it.

            Domino leaned in looking.

            Gambit stopped rummaging. “Mademoiselle?”

            “Just lookin’.” She touched one of her guns.

            A playing card glowed in his gloved hand. He smirked and lowered the card into the chest. “We have rice, a few water jugs,” he grabbed a note and slipped it into his glove. Domino caught him. He winked and pulled his index finger to his lips. “And other stuff.” He tossed the glowing card behind him. It dispersed into harmless baby embers.

            Domino grabbed the water bottles and a map fell out from between them. She let go of the bottles and snatched the map. Unraveling it she saw an X. “A water map.” Disappointment for some reason. She lifted the bottles again. “Gambit, care to join me in filling these for everyone?”

            Gambit said, “Oui.”

            Domino and Gambit walked into the thick of the trees.

            Deadpool moved his head around. “Rolled my eyes. I’m rolling them right now!”

            “Dear, that’s really sad you have to shout that.” Emma Frost inspected her nails, picking dirt out of them with the heel of one of her shoes. “You should keep that to yourself. As well as the rest of your useless little thoughts.”

            Deadpool sighed. “So pretty and yet so douchey. How Cyclops could stand such a dry vag—”

           

            She shot him a glare. His mouth sealed. “Too easy. I can do this all day long.”

            Deadpool pulled out one of his guns and pointed them at her. He jerked his head up as if to say, “Dare me to pull the trigger.”

            “Very well. Keep your sexual fantasies to yourself.” She grinned. “By the way, I can read your thoughts without even trying.”

           

            “Violated.” He put his gun back in its holster. His hands went to his head as if that would block any view of his mind. “It could.”

            Emma Frost laughed.

            “I hope Mojo calls you to his bed. You’re insidebed manner must be something to moan for.” He might have winked. “I didn’t.” Hence might.

            EMMA FROST (Short red shorts and a t-shirt, she sat in the water allowing the waves to play under her.): I am tempted to turn Wade into a veggie. Temptation is strong in me. Though his healing powers would make it difficult. I like difficult. Though we’re not supposed to use our powers for evil. I could trip and accidently do it. (Acted as if tripped) Oh no I’ve lost control of my power. No more mind for Wade. (She laughed as if it took too much effort.)

            Deadpool grabbed a shirt and threw it in the fire Human Torch created. Jamie Madrox walked around shirtless looking for something. Thor silenced the wind to give the fire a chance to live away from Human Torch. Jamie Madrox collected dry branches. Jamie Madrox, Jamie Madrox, Jamie Madrox and Vision collected palm branches and anything else they could find to create a shelter. Black Widow gathered a few rocks and upon Emma Frost’s suggestion, took Deadpool to the beach to see who could shoot a rock from afar. Jamie Madrox went into the trees to assist Gambit and Domino with carrying the water bottles back.

TRIBE SLIPPY PETE - GOLD

            Mr. Fantastic stretched all over the camp telling everyone what they needed to be doing. Iron man and Rogue gathered the biggest trees they could find and Cyclops would use his optic blast to cut them into useable sizes that Spider-Man positioned for a great shelter. They followed Mr. Fantastic’s design.

            Iceman and Kitty Pryde returned with the water bottles filled with fresh water. Kitty Pryde opened the bottles and Iceman dropped a few ice cubes in each.

            Scarlet Witch stood on the beach trying to find a way out of their spacious prison. She waved her glowing hands in all directions and calling upon anything she could.

            Psylocke chopped tree branches into smaller pieces, piled them together and used two pieces of wood to start a fire.

            “Women know how to make fire?” Iron Man stood behind her.

            She scrutinized Iron Man, her eyes glowed purple. “I can slam your balls together hard enough to cause a spark.”

            He nodded. “Point taken.”

            “Go get me some dry grass.” Psylocke rolled her neck. “Please.”

            PSYLOCK (Her purple hair pulled back in a ponytail. She wore a light pink butterfly bikini. She sat in a tree with one leg dangling with a golden bandana tied around her ankle and her other leg pressed against her chest.): Stark doesn’t bother me. I can shove my psychic blade through that armor and all that you’d hear from him is squealing. And then I’d cook bacon with a side of sausage.

            Mr. Fantastic reformed and walked to Scarlet Witch. “Any progress?”

            She shook her head. “I can’t make any heads or tails of where we are let alone how to get us out. I’m sure we’re not the only ones trying both an escape and just in case preparing to play.”

            SCARLET WITCH (In a white shirt and gold shorts, her hair pulled back in a ponytail.): I don’t mind having a leader. I mind someone acting as if I am incapable of using my powers. I guess asking any progress isn’t exactly pushy, but it’s the way he said it. I’m hungry. We just have rice. What is this place? What’s the probability of getting real food here? (She grinned)

            Spider-Man placed the final log into place. “I think it looks cozy. Then again, a web I’ve spun looks cozy.” He shook his masked head. “I’m not a great judge.” He turned to Kitty Pryde. “What you think?”

            “You don’t have to wear that mask around us, we know who you are.” Then her face lit up. “Oh, about your workmanship?” She overly nodded her head. “It’s good.”

            Spider-Man pointed at his mask. “It’s comforting. I’m sure it’s not great to swim in. As a matter of fact, I know it’s not. This one time with Hydroman—”

            “I think I’ll try to phase through the upper part of this dome.” She turned to look for someone. “Right, Iron Man?”

            “What?” Spider-Man tossed up his hands. “I can’t give an antidote?”

            “I’ve fought bad guys with you.” She tilted her head allowing her brown hair to fall all to one side. “It’s overbearing.” She walked toward Iron Man and hopped into his arms.

            “And Tony isn’t?” Spider-Man mumbled under his breath.

            Iron Man faced Spider-Man. “What did you say to her? It seems to make me irresistible.”

            She knocked on his helmet. “Tin head…up-up and away. We have a location to breakout of.” Kitty Pryde pointed at the sky.

            A camera hovered nearby ready to follow.

            Iron Man’s rockets propelled them upward. The camera followed.

            Spider-Man lowered his head. “Overbearing? I thought I was witty and wonderful. Deadpool lied to me all this time?” He tripped over the treasure chest and it fell open. Some of the contents spread across the sand. The rice container and two pots. And something secretive. He shot a web and pulled the envelope back. “What do we have here?”

            Rogue walked over.

            Spider-Man’s left hand pointed toward the trees. He shot a web. “I’ll be back to clean up the mess.” He pulled himself toward the trees. “Just need a swinging moment to clear my head.”

            “Yeah, cause I ain’t cleaning up after no superhero.” She looked at the mess and picked up the rice container. “This is all we get to eat? I’m a growin’ southern girl. I ain’t got no time for rice and how unfilling it is. There’s gotta be chickens or something running around here.” She tossed the canister into the air and caught it.

            ROGUE (She wore gold shorts and a blue t-shirt with an X on it. She sat on a rock near the water.) Too much skin showing. If someone rolls over during the night, I might be deadly. Mr. Fantastic thought it would be a great idea to create a section just for me to sleep to keep everyone else safe. But space was kinda limited already. This might make me someone no one wants to have ‘round. I’m gonna have to play my southern charm a bit thicker than normal. (As if something just dawned on her.) And Spidey was hidin’ something. You don’t just make a mess and swing away. I make messes and fly. It’s much more respectable.

            “Who left this mess?” Cyclops lowered to the ground gathering all the items and putting them back into the chest.

            Rogue said, “Spider-Man. He just webbed away as if he had to save some redhead in distress.” She snickered to herself. “You must understand that on some level.”

            “Ha, ha Rogue.”

            “Ah, right, it’s blond now.” She put her hand on her waist. “Must be their big brains that got you all interested.” She handed him the rice container.

            He took it and placed it into the chest. “Big brains do demand a lot of attention.” He looked around. “Where’s Kitty?”

            Rogue eyed the sky. “Iron Man and her are tryin’ to breakout.”

            Cyclops didn’t squint when he saw the bottom of Iron Man’s boots rocketing a bright, burning light. “Knowing Mojo, we are not leaving until the game is finished and it was a good show.”

            “That’s what Squirrel Lady said. How do you become part squirrel? Ooze in a tree?”

Cyclops shrugged. “I’m hungry.” He grabbed a pot and the container of rice.

            “Talking about squirrels made you hungry? Are you sure you’re not southern?”

            Cyclops smirked. “I’m sure.”

            “You could be honorary, you know?”

“Bring me some water and we can get something started.”

            “Iceman, where’s that water?” Rogue asked.

            Iceman brought over a few containers. “Why? You making rice? Does that mean I have to go back and fill them up? Again?”

            “Got something better to do?” Cyclops asked.

            Iceman bit his lip. “Yeah. Nothing. Something I like doing.”

            Psylocke stood. “Finished. Nice fire.”

            Cyclops created a stand with a few thick branches from unused tree limbs. He hung the pot on a branch over the fire, poured in water and waited. “There’s got to be something else to eat on this section of the island. Who wants to hunt?”

            Psyclock closed her eyes and released a controlled breath. “I only sense us in this area. No animals.”

            CYCLOPS (In blue shorts and a golden t-shirt. He wore his visor.) Everything is in shades of red, but it’s all I’ve ever known. I’m not bothered by it. Though if there’s a challenge having to do with color coordinating, we might lose. (He leaned against a tree, arms folded.) The three telepaths that I’ve happened to have a relationship with on the same island…that’s not a coincidence. (He stopped and thought a moment.) Maybe I have dated all known telepathic women at least once. Their minds are too hot to pass up. (He tilted his head to the side as if he heard a question.) Scarlet Witch being put on the same tribe is also not a coincidence. I might be able to use that to my advantage.

            Cyclops peered at the ocean. “So there’s no fish?”

            Psylocke shook her head.

            “We can’t just survive on rice.” Cyclops poured two cups of rice into the boiling water.

            Iron Man lowered, the sound begging for attention, the sand moving out of his way and Kitty Pryde grinning from ear to ear. She jumped out of his arms.

            “Nothing.” She glanced up and shook her head. “I couldn’t phase through and he couldn’t do anything either. His performance was lackluster.”

            Iron Man’s face plate opened revealing Tony Stark inside. He rolled his eyes. “Attacking my bedroom manner in such a subtle way isn’t very kitty like. Do you need your annual declawing?”

            “All I have to do is phase and pass through your suit and that’s that, Iron Boy.” She turned on her heels. “I’m going to find Iceman and we’re going to flash freeze some fish.”

            Psylocke shook her purple ponytail.

            “Not even Nemo?” Kitty Pryde asked?

            Psylocke shook her head again.

            “Well Mojo sucks hardcore.”

            The rice finished. Cyclops called everyone over and gave out small bowls of rice. They didn’t have much to talk about other than who should be leader during challenges, sleeping arrangements and how to spend their time. Spider-Man returned with a cheesy grin on his face. Had a bowl of rice and said he was sorry for leaving the mess. Cyclops moved next to Scarlet Witch and whispered something. Her mouth curved into a smirk.

TIPPY-TOE – ORANGE

            Wolverine’s head emerged from the ocean. “Nothing but water in every direction.”

            Beast scratched his head. “It is just a creation from Mojo. What did we expect? Realism?”

            “Das nicht gut.” Nightcrawler crouched on his legs. His blue tail flicked behind him. “Rice’s gut companion food.”

            “What does that mean?” Wiccan sat in the sand picking up a clump of it and let it fall between his fingers.

            “That it’s gut with other food, not just alone.” Nightcrawler stood. “I will go scout one more time. Aluf Weidersane.” He teleported.

            “I’m a growing boy, just rice isn’t going to work.” Wiccan stood, dusting off his hands.

            Wolverine made it back on shore. He shrugged. “Not much any of us can do for you, bub. We got no food to help you grow.”

            “Keep hydrated.” Beast pointed his index finger to the sky as if making an important point. “The sun, though not real as our sun, is still quite powerful representation. The water, though this area isn’t, is real. Drink.”

            Wolverine elbowed Wiccan. “You didn’t know a mother could be so beastly?”

            “According to your former leader, my mother is beastly.” Wiccan smirked and then sighed.

            “Scott is passionate for all the wrong things.” Wolverine’s claws crept out of his left hand. “Don’t let me focus on that. We have to find food somewhere.”

WICCAN (sat on the sand, knees up to his chest. Wearing an orange t-shirt and shorts. His black hair was everywhere.): I don’t know what to think. I’m the youngest one out here. I’m the only one from the Young Avengers. Why me? I don’t know what good I’m going to be to all these veterans. I did pay attention the splitting of the tribes. It appears they were trying to even each one out. X-Men and Avenger ratios seemed even. Leaders. Flyers. I can fly. (He levitated and then lowered.) I also am like my mother. I can manipulate probabilities. Not as greatly as she, but good enough. I think Domino has a similar ability on a smaller scale. I haven’t shared that with anyone. I don’t see how relevant that is to our current situation of only being able to eat rice. I can’t just eat rice. There’s not even a rat to eat. Where are all the animals? 

            Back at camp Captain America, Invisible Woman and Jean Grey were putting the finishing touches on the shelter. Thing helped by moving several boulders out of the way.

            The three walked in and Thing’s face lit up. “Any luck, shorty?”

            Wolverine shook his head.

            Thing dropped a boulder and the ground shook. “What’s Mojo tryin’ to do? Starve us to death?”

            Jean Grey lowered the last of the leaves on the roof of the makeshift shelter. “That’s not in his best interest. He wants to keep us all alive for the ratings. Squirrel Girl is right, he loves those ratings.” She wanted to knock all the floating cameras away, but saying what she said reminded her of how important it was to remain calm.

            “Any luck finding the other teams or any source of life?” Beast grabbed his water bottle and took a sip.

            Jean Grey’s shoulders dropped. “Nothing. I can’t find any signs of the other tribes.”

            “What does that mean?” Invisible Woman asked.

            “They’re not dead.” Jean Grey turned toward her. “They’re shielded. Either by their telepaths or by Mojo’s technology.”

            “Or we’re not all in the same place,” Wiccan said to no one.

            Black-blue smoke exploded and Nightcrawler landed on the sand. The smell of burnt eggs stuck around longer than necessary. “Und nothing. I searched as far as I could.” His blue tail jerked from side to side. “Nice haus.”

            Wind blew sand and the unused palm branches to the side. Storm landed. “The shielding is impenetrable. Lightning bolts caused not a single dent.”

            JEAN GREY (Her red hair pulled back in a ponytail. She wore orange shorts and a tank top. She sat on a branch with her legs dangling over.): Too much stress on figuring it all out. I think it might trigger a reoccurrence of a never dying bird. (Her eyes flickered flames.) I’m trying to remain calm despite the hunger pains. Rice isn’t going to cut it. I might break out of this prison, kill Mojo and eat his fat self until satisfied. (Her eyes rolled halfway around.) If he placed us in outer space, breaking out will kill everyone, so be it and I’ll find Mojo and he’ll choke on his own spit. He better give us more than rice. (She glared into the camera, flames burst out of both eyes and then she smiled.)

           

            Captain America was shirtless and in orange swimming shorts. “We’ve tried to escape to no avail.” He took a swig of water. “I believe we can continue to try and maybe even try when we come together for this challenge Squirrel Girl said we must all partake in. It appears our only way out of this game is to play it to the fullest.”

            “Hey, Cap, that sounds a lot like compliance.” Wolverine slouched on a log not having enough energy to stand up and point. “X-Men and Avengers don’t give up.”

            Invisible Woman poured some rice into a pot with some water. She held it over a flame with an invisible force field. “Captain America is right. We can’t put forth all our effort in trying to escape if we can’t escape. Why not just play the game?”

            “Suzie, we can’t let fat slob win. He needs a good clobbrin’.” Thing punched his rocky fist into his rocky palm. It sounded like rock hitting rock.

            Captain America stood. “I’m not fortunate enough to understand what hunger feels like. This rice eating will not be sufficient.”

            “Must be really hard being so perfect,” Wiccan grumbled.

           

            He heard Wiccan but ignored the comment. “We have to be a strong team. One that wins to keep us from being put where they put the losers.”

            “What do you mean?” Wiccan counted blades of grass that peeked out from behind several trees.

            “They have to place the losers somewhere and if—” Captain America stared into space.

            Everyone followed suit.

            Jean Grey grinned. She pulled them all into one area where their thoughts connected. She explained that sharing a plan in front of cameras wasn’t bright. Captain America apologized. He had forgotten that they were being watched. She accepted his apology and said that she would transmit to everyone his plan for anyone that gets voted off when they come together at the Immunity Challenge.

NIGHTCRAWLER (No shirt and wearing orange shorts, a striking contrast against his blue skin. He hung upside down on a tree branch using his tail. His hair fell in the shape of a black triangle): I don’t know what is happening. Trying to make sense of it all. Make something of it. Hunger is making it hard to think. I like my tribe. Or team. It’s decent. People I like. I found something that looks important. A hidden immunity idol. (He dangled a black X within a circle hanging on a string.) It’ll keep me from having to go where the loser’s holding pen. Unless…right. Cameras. (He grinned.)

            Invisible Woman held up a sheet of aged paper. “Looks like we have a message.” She waved it in the air.

            Everyone sat around the fire savoring the last bit of rice in their bowls. They looked up at Invisible Woman.

            Nightcrawler teleported behind her. “Tree Kettenpanzer.”

            “What?” Wiccan asked.

            “Tree Mail.” Nightcrawler scratched the back of his head.

            “Mail is less to say, Elf.” Wolverine snickered.

            Captain America nodded toward Invisible Woman. “Read it.”

            Invisible Woman read the piece of paper, “The following is a hint of what the Immunity Challenge will entail. All will be tied in a triangle ready to pull, and one the other two will lull. The final across the line will sit for Tribal Council Time.”

            “A poem to tell us what we’ll do?” Storm stretched. The wind picked up, pushing her white hair in a swirl.

            “Try not to knock down our hard work.” Jean Grey pointed toward the preciously built nature house.

            Storm closed her eyes and the wind died down. “Sorry.”

            “I don’t do poems.” Thing folded his arms.

            Wolverine knocked his fist on Thing’s head. “We know, rock skull.”

            Thing pulled his arm back ready to sock him in the face. Wolverine held up his hands and scooted away.

           

            “Oh, there’s more.” Invisible Woman pointed to the bottom of the paper. “We are to stand where we appeared and we’ll be transported to the challenge location.”

            “When?” Captain America asked.

            “When the paper turns our tribe’s color, orange.” Invisible Woman dropped the paper on the ground. “We’re going to use rope, that’s for sure.”

            Wiccan picked up the paper and reread it. “Probably something to do with tug-of-war.”

            “Ja, a variation.” Nightcrawler pointed with a finger. “Well done jung Avenger.” He patted him on the back. 

to be continued...

MSI: Episode 1 Pt. 1: Introductions

Squirrel Girl stood in the sand of a beach that didn’t really exist, breathing in the air that didn’t exist but was formulated for their consumption, and playing host to a game that, well, unfortunately existed, though she was eager to watch it. Excited, even.

The beach seemed to be like any other beach. The waves sounded as real. The wind as cool and refreshing. The smell of salt brought back memories. The sun beamed as if it was Earth.

It wasn’t.

All holographic. All fake. All for ratings.

But something was missing. Something was off. It was on the tip of her tail…or maybe it had something to do with her tail. She’d figure it out.

“Welcome to the first, and probably only, season of Marvel Survivor Island.” Squirrel Girl clapped her hands with all the excitement of a fan-girl. “Cause I am.” She winked toward no one. Not even a camera.  

           

            “It’s too warm for those full bodied costumes.” Squirrel Girl pressed a button and all the costumes changed into swimming trunks, shirts, bikinis or whatever they’d wear to the beach. She did a lot of research. It was creepy.

            Jamie Madrox’s eyes widened, and he sighed when he saw he still wore his specialized shirt.

            She dug her feet into the white sand grinning at twenty-seven heroes plucked from comfort, fighting, dining or whatever. None appeared pleased about their new surroundings. Except Deadpool.

            “How can you tell if I’m pleased?” He looked down toward his pants and then pointed to his face. “Mask.”

            “Shut-up black, red and dumb. My forth-wall, not yours. Butt out.”

            “Why have thy taken me? What abduction is this?” Thor pointed his hammer toward Squirrel Girl.

           

            She grinned. “Mighty godling, let me explain this mighty predicament to you and,” she gestured to everyone, “everyone else.” She bowed. “And Deadpool.” She glared at him… “…with hate.”

            “I’m glaring at you with more hate.” Deadpool glared at Squirrel Girl. “WITH HATE!”

            She shrugged. “Mask.”

            Deadpool Growls. “WITH HATE!”

            “Calm down, Wade. No need to get your ego in a panty.” Wolverine picked his teeth with a single middle blade.

            “That’s so 2000 X-Men first film.” Deadpool folded his arms.

            A man in a blue, multi-pocketed shirt turned in a circle looking at every ounce of beach he could take in. “Where am I?”

            Squirrel Girl jumped and turned. “Oh, right. You.” She clasped her hands. “I didn’t forget. I just misplaced you in my thoughts.”

            “You’re dressed as a giant squirrel.” He closed his eyes, rubbed his temples and took a deep breath. “I don’t know what I drank or who put what in my drink, but I cannot wait to wake up and swear it off forever. That time couldn’t come quick enough.”

            “No, no, no Mr. Probst, this isn’t a dream.” Squirrel Girl moved toward him, reaching out her hands. “It’s real. It’s just not your real or the real you came from that those reading are used to…either.” Again she winked to no one. “Right, this is a book. No pictures. No point in doing that anymore.”

            Mr. Probst glanced around. “I don’t see any cameras. Who are you talking to?”

            Squirrel Girl pulled out a remote. “There are cameras.” She pressed a button. Several floated in the air around everyone on the beach. “Not many people here are going to be happy about who they belong to.” She looked at Cyclops. “Sorry.”

            “Mojo?” Cyclops raised his eyebrows. “You’re working with that fat slob?”

            Squirrel Girl shook her head. “This is failing at a rate faster than nuts in spring time. I assure you this isn’t as bad as it seems. I need everyone to just calm down.”

            “What do you mean marvel?” Emma Frost picked at her fingers. “I see nothing worth marvling over here.” She scoffed and turned away from Jean Grey. “Ginger.”

            Jean Grey’s eyes glowed a red-orange and flames flickered. “Care to go round two?”

            “Ladies. Ladies.” Squirrel Girl held up her hands. “We haven’t started the game—”

            Guns clicked. “I don’t play games.” Domino grinned. “Send me back.”

            “What is going on? This looks like a comic book come to life.” Mr. Probst gawked. The floating cameras moved up and down avoiding anyone from touching them and at the same time trying to get every angle imaginable. He stared at one. “Call someone. Anyone. I’ve been kidnapped.”

            Squirrel Girl groaned and fell to the sand, crossing her legs. “I didn’t want to have to do this.”

            “What?” Mr. Probst asked.

            “This.” She pressed another button on the remote and everyone, including Mr. Probst, fell silent. They sat in the sand as if they were in kindergarten getting ready for story time. And no one moved. She stood. “Better.” She smirked at Deadpool. “Much better.”

            He growled. And mumbled something unintelligible.

            “His M.O.” Squirrel Girl smirked. “Mr. Probst, or as I like to call him, Jeffrey, is going to tell you all how we’re going to play this game.” She dialed a number into the remote.

            He shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

            “You’re the host of Survivor.”

            “Yeah, in America. With rules. Not a place where you can just kidnap—” He disappeared.

            “He’s useless. Whines too much. Useless.” Squirrel Girl dropped her shoulders. “He’ll be back in my tent. He’ll teach me how to be a host and then I can send him back.” She turned to the twenty-seven heroes. “As for all you lovelies, I’m the host of this important game.”

            She changed her voice in a mock tone. “What kind of important?’

            She reverted back to her normal voice. “The important kind.”

            “What does that even mean?” Looking to the right she pretended she was actually speaking to another person. When she wasn’t.

            “Or I was. It means that if we don’t play this game that the world will be in grave danger.”

            “What kind?”

            “The deadly kind.”

            She rolled her eyes at her own statement, by the way. “Just tell the story. What do you mean deadly?”

            “Well, to make matters more serious, this game is going to either entertain Mojo or it won’t. And if it doesn’t, well he’s going to invade Earth with a bunch of bomb babies and kill a bunch of people who love babies and that’s going to be a baby lovin’ mess and we can’t have that.”

            “Oh. So we have to play the game?”

            “Yes. And if we can make it through the entire season without incident, no bomb babies will be used and we have saved the world. And the babies.”

            “Why were these twenty-seven picked?”

            Squirrel Girl beheld the twenty-seven heroes sitting in forced silence. “I thought they were the best for the job. That they’d be the most entertaining. Oh, and I have one more surprise.” She pressed a button on the remote.

            Forge appeared hair in every direction but combed. He needed a shower, his clothes needed washing and he probably smelled worse than his appearance. Squirrel Girl didn’t flinch at any stench. Good sign. He waved with excitement reserved for someone that couldn’t wait for an event to start.

            “Forge will be creating all the challenges that’ll be power accommodating.”

            “Glad to be of service.” He waved a wrench in his other hand.

            “Why are you glad to be of service? I kidnapped you as I did everyone else.”

            “I was bored. This’ll keep me entertained. I need that. I’m important again.” He grinned. “Well, at least for a little while.” He hanged his head.

            She shook hers. “Silly.” Pressed another button and Forge disappeared.

            “I hope that you have all seen at least one episode of Survivor.” She looked at everyone and everyone looked at her. No one gave any indication that they heard her. “I hate this freeze button. I can’t tell if anyone’s paying attention. Especially Deadpool. I hate that mask. It not only blocks me from seeing your gross face, but it’s just a stupid mask. Looks like a five-year-old’s failed awesome project for craft’s class. Second rate crappy.”

            She pulled the remote close to her mouth and said, “Split into tribes.” She clapped. “I picked the names. I hope they make you giggle.”

            Three mats materialized on the sand at different locations. Each mat had its own special colored flag that had a name written on it.

“Tribe one is called Monkey Joe.” – Red

1.      Domino

2.      Vision

3.      Emma Frost

4.      Jamie Madrox

5.      Human Torch

6.      Thor

7.      Gambit

8.      Black Widow

9.      Deadpool

“Tribe two is called Slippy Pete” – Gold

1.      Scarlet Witch

2.      Cyclops

3.      Iron Man

4.      Iceman

5.      Spider-Man

6.      Rogue

7.      Psylocke

8.      Mr. Fantastic

9.      Kitty Pryde

“Tribe three is called Tippy-Toe” – Orange

1.      Invisible Woman

2.      Captain America

3.      Wolverine

4.      The Beast

5.      Wiccan

6.      Nightcrawler

7.      Jean Grey

8.      Thing

9.      Storm

“And yes, all named after squirrels of mine. The honor is yours.” She lifted her right leg and smirked. “Anyway, with a press of a button you’ll all be teleported to your very own part of the island where you’ll set up camp, make fire, find food and wait for the immunity challenge, where a tribe will lose and the losers will go to tribal council where they’ll have to listen to me ask them lots of probing questions.” She paused and laughed. “Probst.” She clapped her hands again. “Exciting.”

“I hate monkeys.” Deadpool folded his arms.

“Too bad.” Squirrel Girl pulled out squares from her belt’s pouch. “And here.” She tossed one to each tribe. “More information on what’s going on.” She hit a button and everyone teleported away. She appeared in a tent somewhere off in the digital island.

Jeff shot to his feet. “Why didn’t you do research on YouTube? You don’t need me.”

“I don’t do YouTube.” She wiggled her fingers. “Ruins my nails.”

“What?”

Squirrel Girl said, “Jeff, can I call you Jeff?” She waited two seconds. “Jeffrey, how do you run Survivor?”

Jeff stared at her. “You’re dressed as a squirrel.” He looked her up and down.

“We’ve been over this.” She nodded. “My name is Squirrel Girl.” She wagged her tail.

“Not a question.” Jeff pinched himself.

“Technically,” she turned around and allowed her tail to dance, “it’s real.”

Jeff pinched himself, again. “Where am I and why am I here?”

Her eyebrows danced. “Another universe.” She grabbed two mugs and filled them with coffee. “Come. Sit. Discuss.” She placed the steaming mugs on the table, sat and patted the empty seat.

Jeff walked over, but didn’t sit. He folded his arms. “This isn’t any universe.”

“I’m from the Milky Way, just like you.” She shrugged. “Just not from the same Milky Way. This place we’re in now.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s different. It’s devious, icky and stupid.”

“I can’t wait to wake-up.” Jeff sat. He pulled his mug toward him. “I was never a comic book reader. How I could dream of people I never read about…?”

Squirrel Girl placed a finger to her lips. “I know that we’re in a comic book and that stupid brain dressed as a deranged ninja Santa knows, but everyone else believes this is the only reality. The main 616 one.” She took a sip of the coffee and made a face. “Ugh, juice is better.”

Jeff took another sip. “Not as bad as one would think.”

“The writers have to get something right.” Squirrel Girl spun around as if not knowing where to settle her eyes. “No offense.”

“Who—nevermind.” Jeff snickered. “So if I help you be a host, I’m free to wake up?”

“Sure. You’re not asleep, though.” Squirrel Girl went to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of apple juice and poured herself a glass. After drinking some, she smiled. “Much better.” She shivered. “Makes my tail tingle.”

Jeff’s eyes widen. “Uh, let’s get down to business, then.” He held up his hand. “Before I teach, explain to me what the hell’s going on.”

She skipped back to the table. “You believe it’s real, now?”

Jeff shook his head. “No. If the dream starts to make sense, then I might be forced to believe it’s real.”

Squirrel Girl’s shoulders and tail drop as if a weight pulled them down. “That’s not happening for you and the readers. I’ll give you an explanation.”

“Readers…? Again, nevermind. The quicker this passes the less time I have to spend in abomination land.”

She touched her chest. “I’ve met Abomination and this is much better. Mojoverse might be an attention whore’s paradise, but it’s not Abomination. Feel blessed.”

Jeff sighed. “Go on. Explain.” He slouched in his chair.

“Mojo is a fat jaundice looking meatbag. He’s literally spineless and needs mechanical spider-legs to get him around.” She puffed out her cheeks and rocked side to side in her chair. “Anyway, he has baby-napped the X-Babies and A-Babies. He’ll strap bombs to them and attack earth if he’s not fully entertained by this game.”

“I don’t know those people…”

She put her clawed hand on his shoulder as if to comfort him for some reason. “I know. I can fill you in.”

He shook his head. “Nah, get to why this game and why me.”

“Right. Mojo is a ratings lover. He needs high ratings. Survivor is a fantastic game. Mojo loves fantastic, plus death and violence. But Survivor is only fantastic. It does, however, have high drama and entertainment. It was a safe sale. I sold it.” She leaned back and rolled her neck. “Better than the alternative. We play it out, give him high ratings, save the A and X-Babies and eventually save the world. Yet again. All in a hard 39 day’s work. Or longer.”

Jeff sat up. “Can I meet him?”

Squirrel Girl shook her finger in the air as if stirring. “He’d want to keep you in a museum.” She grimaced. “I advise against that.” She stood and walked behind a dressing screen. “You can tell me if I look the part. In a minute.”

Jeff sipped on his coffee. “Why me?”

Her voice sounded distant for a moment, probably pulling a shirt over her head. “You’re a great host.” The shirt flew over the screen and landed near his feet. “I want to be a great host.” Her brown stockings flung in another direction, over his head.

Jeff sunk in his chair. “I’ll give you tips and you return me.”

Squirrel Girl hopped out from behind the screen dressed in khaki shorts and a deep blue-two-pockets-on-the-breast short-sleeve shirt. And a black hat with the logo on it that said: Marvel Island Survivor. She tossed out her hands as if wanting a hug from anyone that loved her style. “You love it, huh Jeffrey?” Her tail waved behind her.

His eyes squinted. “It’s like you went into my closet.”

“I did.”  She ran over and pinched his cheeks. “Which means you can’t say you hate, cause you are wearing the same thing.” She wrapped her left arm around Jeff and threw out her right hand. “Say cheese!” And she snapped a picture with her phone. “So going on my instawhatevertosharewiththewholeworldgram.”

Squirrel Girl sat Indian-style on the ground. Two squirrels plopped right in her lap from somewhere. She petted them. Her nose scrunched. “You two need bathes.” Her tail whipped to one side, twisting her around to face Jeff. “So what do you have to say that’ll make me the best hostess ever?”

Jeff leaned on his knees inches from her face. “Be fair.”

One snap of the fingers and the squirrels bounced away. “That’s it?”

He leaned back in his chair and nodded. “Send me back.”

She stood. “If this doesn’t work—”

“It’s not just being fair. It’s being fun and fair. You’re everyone’s friend, but you’re not there to tell them how awesome they are.”

Squirrel Girl lifted her remote and pressed a few buttons. “I fear I might not be liked.”

Jeff laughed. “You don’t seem like the kind of person that cares what others think.” He nodded toward her tail and pointed back toward the brown stockings.

She flipped the remote in the air and caught it. “I’ll have you know those are sexy.”

He swallowed a laugh. “See?”

“If this advice is found to be sucky, you’ll be right back in this tent and I won’t be returning you. CBS will have to find another host.”

Jeff shrugged. “Okay, Squirrel Girl. You see me in my dreams tomorrow.”

Squirrel Girl snickered. “You’ll realize this isn’t a dream.”

“How—”

She punched him in the eye.

His hands went up. “Why’d you do that?”

“Something to remember me by. Bye-bye Jeffrey.” She hit a button, and he disappeared. “Let’s watch some Survivor YouTube videos.” Her nails clicked on her laptop’s keys.

to be continued...